Fighting the Loneliness

Hello Beautiful Ladies! (And Handsome Gents!)

It seems that as the weather gets colder, I spend more and more time inside. Tonight is no different. With temperatures dipping into the negatives, the wind blowing, and worship music playing softly in the background, my attention turned from my mile long homework to the thought of how lonely it seemed. Being alone in my house, I noticed how quite it was. It seems that the normal busy street that runs in front of my house is quite tonight also. Glancing down at my phone, I now realized that I have received no phone calls today, three texts, and my normal blown up email was quite. Normaly, I would embrace the sudden change of pace in life, but tonight it seemed different. Negative thoughts started to consume my consciousness. Thoughts such as "I'm not good enough for people to say 'Hi' to,"" I'm not good enough for random phone conversations, or for an invitation to do something random or even dinner with friends." I then started to become angry, thinking about how I work so hard for people without any expectation of anything in return, and yet they cast me aside. These thoughts were, at best to say, violent to me. I actually broke out sobbing. Never have I had such a reaction to the idea of me being lonely.

Feeling lonely is a negative feeling that I struggle with often. However, its been a blessing, because when I feel lonely I simply dive into the word, pray, worship, etc. In the end, I am much more happy and loving then I was every before. My relationship with God grows. Every time it happens, my feeling of loneliness is less and less. Actually, now that I think about it, I haven't felt super lonely in a while. God has given me so many blessings, and as I say my evening prayers, I say one giant thank you because I would never be able to get any sleep if I thanked for every single blessing.

Tonight seemed different. Tonight seemed like Satan was throwing everything he had at me, and I was taking it faster then a dry sponge soaking up water. I didn't even open up my bible. I turned off my music, and sat in the dark quite room alone with my thoughts. Don't feel sorry for me. It was my own weakness to sub come to such a thing. We are all human, and we can't be superhuman. We simply need God to help us through these times.

After about an hour or so, I pulled myself together, put away my school work, and pulled out all my "God material." Things such as my journal, bible, study bible, online study material, and I even thought of "What would my life group leaders do?" If Satan was going to drown me, he would have to fight. For a moment there he did, my feeling of loneliness grew. It seemed that the house was getting colder. Sobbing increased, my internet didn't want to work, and my light that I was using to read started to flicker.

In a moment like this, prayer is the best advice I can give you. Once I started to pray, a feeling of peace came over me instantly. After calming down I continued on my journey to fighting this night. I was not going to bed in the dark (figuratively speaking). Here is what God led me to:

And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power.~ Colossians 2:10

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. ~ Psalm 46:1-3

And behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest....for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of .~ Genesis 28:15.

These verses reminded me that I am weak, and I need God in my life every moment. I cannot do things without him. Coming from someone who is very independent, it is difficult at times to accept the fact that I need help. However, every time I see a blessing, it gets easier and easier to accept that I need God's help. I need to be in is refuge. I need his strength in order to do his will.

I continued reading:

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. ~John 14:18

....I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. ~ Hebrews 13:5-6

Remember how I said I felt peace after I reached out to God. God never left me, he was waiting for my stubborn self to reach out for help. He was waiting with open arms, to help me out. I just needed to open up to him. He gave me comfort in my time of need. Even though I felt alone for a brief moment, God was there for me.

I strongly believe that the answer to fighting your demons, is allowing God to do the heavy work with you. You cannot carry the world on your shoulders, but God can. He can do anything. He is simply waiting for you to reach out to him. To fight the loneliness, the insecurities, the self-doubt, you need God. You need God every moment of your life. We are weak. We need his strength to fight the war. I ask you beautiful people, Will you allow God to fight the fight with you?

A sister in the same fight,
Yolanda

...Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. ~ Matthew 28:20