Dirt and Dreams

Dirt and Dreams aren't usually connected but I want to take time to explain how they are.  The picture on the right is the future home of Northview Church's FOREVER home.  This past Sunday we as a church celebrated the fact that after 7 years of not having a permanent home in the area, we now have 12.7 acres of land to build on for God's Kingdom.  So as part of our service we got to walk up to the stage where there were two huge 5 gallon buckets full of dirt from this land, and we were instructed to put a few scoops of dirt into our bags and then every time we  feel this baggie of dirt in our purse or pocket or backpack to stop and pray for the future of the church, and what we think would be the best use of the land for the community.  While we were filling bags full of dirt our worship Pastor Brandon was singing Build Your Kingdom Here by Rend Collective(great song and band by the way) as we were singing this song I got goosebumps because I started dreaming about what the future held for Love's Journey. I began to think about seeing and taking pictures of a sign like this.  I began to think about bagging dirt from the place Love's Journey will sit. But then I began to think about it as the week has gone on and it's deeper than that.  I think about how vital dirt is to the world.  You can't grow things without dirt. I mean have you ever seen flowers grown in concrete. NO? Me either.  I began to dream about what the church building would look like and how God's going to use it for His purpose.  I began to see how Dirt and Dreams are tied together but more so Dirt and Dreams and Growth.

For this I dug into Google and looked up Dirt and Growth in the bible and came up with this story " But as for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. Matthew 13: 23a [NIV]

Have you ever planted anything? Perhaps you took some packages of seeds and planted a garden of vegetables. If so, you know that the type of soil that you have is very important to the success of a garden. If the ground is too hard, or full of rocks and weeds, you probably won't have a very good crop of vegetables.

In our Bible lesson today, Jesus told a story about a man who went out and planted some seeds. Some of the seed fell on the path where the ground was very hard. The seeds just lay on top of the ground and the birds came and ate the seeds. Some of the seed fell on rocky ground. The seeds sprang up quickly, but when the sun came, the plants dried up because they didn't have good roots. Some of the seeds fell among weeds and plants grew for a little while, but the weeds took over and choked them out. Fortunately, some of the seed fell on good soil and the plants grew strong and healthy and produced a good crop.

In Jesus' story, the Word of God is the seed, and we are the soil. Often, when we come to church, the preacher is preaching the Word, but we aren't really paying attention. Perhaps we are thinking about what we are going to do that afternoon or about what we did yesterday. We are hearing the Word, but we are not listening. That is like throwing seed on the top of the ground. It won't ever grow into anything in our life.

There are other times when we hear the Word and we get excited about it, but then our excitement fades and we drift away. That is like the seeds that fall on the rocky ground. The plants spring up, but then die because the roots are too shallow.

Sometimes we hear the Word and we believe what it says, but we want to keep on doing the same things we have been doing. That is like planting the seed in with a bunch of weeds. I can tell you what will happen, the weeds will soon take over!

When we hear the word, and we listen and try to understand what it says and put it into practice in our daily life, then we are like good soil. We are like soil where the seed takes root and grows and produces a plentiful harvest. That is the kind of soil that Jesus wants us to be. What kind of soil are you? **http://www.sermons4kids.com/depends-on-dirt.html**

We need to be like Christ but when you have a good healthy foundation in him ( a good Dirt) the fruits of the spirit are going to flow from you easily.  Good dirt produces good things in our lives.  If you have crappy dirt then you can expect bad things to flow from your life.  It's the same thing as if you are walking with Christ and doing everything to be close to Him.  Things like daily spending time with Him, walking the walk, and going to church- doing these things draw you closer to him.  But if you don't go to church, you are full of filth- doing things that aren't Christian and then wonder why God feels far away. You need to have a daily time with Christ to see the maker of the universe, make beautiful things grow out of the dirt of our lives.  

Something I am most excited about is that this Sunday my lead Pastor Steve is starting a 9 week sermon set all about the Fruit of the Spirit - watch out for 9 blogs talking about each fruit and practical ways to apply that fruit to our lives and challenges.  Something I'm also excited about is something the beautiful miss Yolanda has already talked about which is our church doing a bible study on the book of James.  I will be writing about that later :) 

So sorry for the tangent!  I want to talk about Dreams - the only way I know to do that is to Share some of the dreams I have for Love's Journey and for myself.  What is a dream? Websters defines a dream as : : a series of thoughts, visions, or feelings that happen during sleep or another definition is : an idea or vision that is created in your imagination and that is not real and lastly : something that you have wanted very much to do, be, or have for a long time

So when I think about what a dream means I begin to get excited about the bright future Love's Journey has in store for her.  Here's a few of my dreams for Love's Journey:

1: I dream of finding a forever home and the journey that will be
2: I dream of the future girls and women who will be blessed by us
3: I dream of my special wing where our Human Trafficking and Sex Slavery girls will get the  therapy they need
4: I dream of the possibilities for Love's Journey
5: I dream of what the building will look like 

I have personal dreams. Things like graduate school, Move to Houston or that area, and I have long term dreams things like - getting married and having kids.  

I am reminded daily to " Dream Big and Work Hard"~~JJ Watt. I have this quote posted on my desk right at eye level so that I daily remember to  do just that Dream Big Work Hard. 

So to close, I challenge you all to walk close to God and Dream Big and Work Hard

Much Love 
Jessica 

How Humble are you?

HELLO BEAUTIFUL LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And of course you Handsome men who may be reading this)

I hope that everyone is surviving the polar vortex that seems to be consuming our lives. With weather like this, it is so easy to complain and see the negative side of things. I see this polar vortex as a blessing. I am more focused on my schoolwork, non-profit, and of course building my relationship with God. I am also blessed to live with an amazing friend that keeps me entertained everyday. I may get more work done if I wasn't so distracted, but its all amazing here in the office.

Do me a favor. Take a moment and think of five things you are blessed with. For example, I am blessed to be breathing, have a heater at my feet, food in the fridge, and my bible in front of me. Next, challenge yourself. Everyday write down five things you are blessed. I have been doing this for a while and it has got to the point where I just have to thank God for being awesome. I don't have time to list all of the things I am blessed with. I am thankful for every little thing in my life. I thank God that you are in my life. You are one of my biggest blessings.

Let's flip gears here. I would like to focus this post to James 1: 9-10.

Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation-since they will pass away like a wild flower.
                                              James 1: 9-10

Before we go diving into this passage, take a second and think about the people in your life. Rank them based on their wealth. Now look at the person who is the "poorest" versus the person who is the "richest." How humble are each person? Now if my experiment worked, I would hope you had said the "poorest" was more humble.

Now lets look at this passage in  more simple understanding.

Christians who experience poverty are to take pride in their high positions as believers. Wealthy believers, on the other hand, should take pride not in their possessions but in the fact that God has humbled them and given them a godly value system, so that they now realize how transitory life and wealth are.

 Here is my take on this passage. God likes a humble person. Poverty is thought to be a humbling experience. I know when I lived in southern Africa, I became so humbled. It broke my heart to see some of the situations that people were living in. However, they were so happy. I will never forget playing soccer with some of the children in a shanty town. Even though we didn't speak the same language, wore different clothes, and had different background, the children were excited to be playing soccer with me. We didn't have a soccer ball. It was a ball made of rubber bands, paper, and I think jeans. These children seemed to not have a care in the world. One mom thanked me for spending the time with the children. They absolutely loved it. I don't think many American children would be willing to do something like that.

Okay, back on track. God likes a humble person. He states that a humble believer should take pride in his/her positions. I am not saying go out and give all of your possession away and sell your house. But how would you react if your house was on fire? What would you grab? For me I might be like "OOOOOOOO NOOOOOO" and run for my worldly possessions. Things like pictures and my bible. After that I would worry about anyone who may have been in the house. I honestly would not be sad if my house was to burn down. It is just a materialistic item.

I would classify myself as "wealthy." I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, a university education,  family that love me, and friends who support me. God says that the wealthy should not take the pride in the possesions that they have. In fact, we should be HUMBLE for the greatness that we have. In a matter of a blink of an eye all of that could be gone. Remember how I said that if I lost everything, I would be okay with it.

Think of it this way. Have you ever seen a trailer being pulled behind a hurse? I haven't. Things don't matter. God matters, Love matters. Those of us who have been blessed with wealth (of any kind) are, as my pastor says, managers for God. God only ask that we be good managers. So remember this, when you are complaining about it being cold outside, be blessed to have a heater, a blanket, tv, and facebook. Open your home to a friend, pay for a strangers meal, wave to someone you don't know. Show some love. You never know where it may lead you.

Catching up

Hiya, Leeann here! Its been a little over a month since I last posted to Love's Journey and boy has a lot happened! I want to start off by saying this blog post today is for all the single moms out there or those soon on their way to becoming one. Being a parent at any age is difficult and even  more so when your a young or teenage mom as I was. Let me assure you that you are not alone. The purpose of  Love's Journey is to give you a safe place full of love and hopefully guidance. If you've been following our lovely blog then you might have noticed blogs posted by myself, Jessica and of course the beautiful Yolanda as well. With this blog you'll get an unique and interesting look in to the world thru  the eyes of 3 very different woman who are all walking the earth in search of love, acceptance and finding our own way.

Now back to my original reason for posting. It's catch up day, YAY!!!! The last time I posted was after my precious puppy prince had passed away, man I can't believe its been over a month since  my beloved four legged friends went to puppy heaven. It still makes me wanna cry at times, but back to what I was saying.

In my last post I gave you a little back ground on me. Incase you missed it I was married at 16 and had my first son at 17, four years later at 21 I had my second son and for the last time when I was 25 I once again gave birth to my last and final baby. I was given 3 beautiful but rowdy boys by the good Lord above. I truly believe that the big man upstairs will not give you more than you can handle, how me becoming a mom at 17 was a trip I needed to take I will never understand. It was a trip that forever changed my life and has continued to bring me nothing but pleasure and joy for almost 15 years now.

My oldest is a 15 year old cocky teenage boy who is working hard to find his way in life and where he belongs. As a teen mom I couldn't have asked for a better baby then him. He was such a good baby. He never cried unless he was hungry or sick and it has continued to be that way until this very day. My only struggle with him was a speech issue which he soon grew out of! My second baby was a different story!

My 10 year son was born with asthma and immediately upon entering this world he had a major asthma attack. It seemed that day would start a long journey in to many problems for him. Unlike my first son he was a handful. If he wasn't sick he was getting in to things he shouldn't have been, and the story continues. I struggled to finish school, raise 2 kids, work full time and hold a marriage together while being a normal 21 year old. Let me tell ya by this point I felt anything but normal. I can't tell you how many time I wanted to give up and walk away but somehow the good Lord showed me the strength I needed to carry on and just 4 years later my precious baby boy would be born!

My now 6 almost 7 year old has been a major pain in my side from the moment he was born. Never one to do things like his older brothers, he forced his own way in life. As an infant I worried there might be something wrong with him. Of course that was me just being a paranoid mom! Just so you know all 3 of my kids have had a speech problem and my baby boy is the only one still getting help with it. Ok enough background lets get to the big stuff lol.

Back in December I told you all about the man whose arms I wanted to hold me as my little prince took his last breath, well I'm sad to say those days are over. It's so hard to explain without giving away to much information but I will say I wanted this man so much but wasn't willing to give him my heart or a commitment so I took the easy way out and told him for one month I was his but at the end of the month we were to walk away and forget things ever happened! Boy who was I kidding!!! In that months time I feel madly in love with him but did everything I could to push him away. Now I struggle to find a way to bring him back in to my life without feeling like I'm letting myself go. Ha good luck so far I haven't figured it out yet! My kids do keep me occupied tho.

 

My oldest is not only a straight A student but he's also in band and numerous other things. I couldn't be more proud of this young man and the way he has turned out. Everyone tells me he's such a perfect gentleman, very respectful and so responsible! As his mother this brings me so much pride, knowing that even though I might have screwed up other things in my life, I did right by raising him so far. My son is not in to girls, or partying, going out or getting in to trouble. He would rather hang at home with me and his younger brothers then go to the mall. Tomorrow he has his first band solo recital and is getting ready for competition! I'm so excited for him I just wanna yell it from the roof tops! I know that  he is on the right track and will be successful in life!

My second son is a little bit different. He struggles with school but I'm not sure if its because he's lazy or really has a hard time. I'm leaning more towards lazy! He's only in 5th grade so there's not much to report about with him. IF I could get him to be less of a slob and a lil more active I think he'll be alright!

My baby boy of course is a whole other story. 2 years ago when he was in pre-k the teacher approached me with a concern over a speech issue. I gave her permission to have him tested but later found out they never did! Last year in Kindergarten I asked his teacher daily how he was doing and she assured me was doing great. It wasn't until his speech ard that I learned this wasn't the truth. I'm telling you all this because its important to know what we've been thru as a family and myself as a single mom. We struggled thru the year last year and prayed that this year would be better.

During the first six weeks his teacher called me saying not to freak out  about his report card that he was doing great until 2 weeks before they were due to come out. She said the work was getting harder but that as long as we worked with him he should be ok. I have spent every day working for at least 2 hours with him but was unaware of any improvement until early December when we had another speech ard. It was at this time that the assistant principal advised and asked to have him tested for a learning disability. As a mother this broke my heart. No one likes to hear that their baby is struggling nor do we want them labeled. I called Jessica crying. Being the AMAZING friend that she is, Jessica immediately took it upon herself to help me figure out what to do. By this point I had lost faith in everything. My son was struggling in school and I had no clue how to help him, the man I so desperately wanted to be with was slowly slipping away (no fault of his own) and my own fear about failing as a mom began to take its toll. 

 

As I got to work on getting him tested I put my faith once again back in the lord after attending church and seeing that I didn't have anything to lose by trusting in the one person who has always been there for me even when I turned my back. By true and unintentional accident I learned that the very people who were suppose to keep my son's educational information confidential had failed in that department as well. My good friend heard the school staff talking about his upcoming testing in a way that wasn't very professional.

As a hard working woman myself I know the law and right from wrong. I gave the school the required 48 hours to contact me and tell me what had happen. It took them 2 and a half weeks afterwards to do so. Now I was furious as any parent should be and am now in a big fight to have the wrongs that was done against my child and my friend righted. In the process of all this  I let go of the man that I'll now call my heart go. By no fault of his own I pushed him away and told him some extremely mean and hurtful  things in order to protect myself.

Every night as I lay down and close my eyes I wonder how much more can I take? I try to remind myself that God will never give me more then I can handle but at times that often feels like a joke! My Catholic upbringing reminds me to always have faith but my current situation says otherwise.

Thankfully I have great friends to hold me and remind me that I'm loved and very strong. I also am fortunate to have a place like this blog to rant, vent, release and share my struggles with you. 

This weekend I took a trip to see my heart but didn't have the courage to let him know I was there, so instead I lashed out him and said some really hurtful things that I'll never be able to take back. Some of you might wonder what the big deal is? Well let me tell you! I love him! Plain and simple but that scares the daylights out of me. I have never felt any way for someone the way I do him and that fear is what keeps me from letting go and just enjoying it! There is no other place I'd rather be than in his arms for as long as he'll have me. I guess what I'm trying to say I want him for more then just a few late night cuddles. I want him for as long as I can have him. I know that in order to do this I have to put my faith in the hands of the Lord. 

As I move forward in my life and struggles I know that all  I can do is live my life to the best of my abilities and hope its one that will earn me a place in heaven when I take my last breath. Today as I sat writing this the song When I Get Where I'm Going by Brad Paisley came on and I started to cry. I hope to do as the song says:

When I get where I'm going

There'll be only happy tears

I will shed the sins and struggles 

I have carried all these years!

Let me tell you I'm so tired of the struggles. I can't wait for a time when my life is finally somewhat simple and I can enjoy it without all the fears

As I leave you with a lot to read and I do apologize for that I'll leave you with my other favorite lines in his song:So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going

Remember my lovelies that love is a journey we must all take but no one ever said you should ever have to take it alone!!! 

Leeann

Fighting the Loneliness

Hello Beautiful Ladies! (And Handsome Gents!)

It seems that as the weather gets colder, I spend more and more time inside. Tonight is no different. With temperatures dipping into the negatives, the wind blowing, and worship music playing softly in the background, my attention turned from my mile long homework to the thought of how lonely it seemed. Being alone in my house, I noticed how quite it was. It seems that the normal busy street that runs in front of my house is quite tonight also. Glancing down at my phone, I now realized that I have received no phone calls today, three texts, and my normal blown up email was quite. Normaly, I would embrace the sudden change of pace in life, but tonight it seemed different. Negative thoughts started to consume my consciousness. Thoughts such as "I'm not good enough for people to say 'Hi' to,"" I'm not good enough for random phone conversations, or for an invitation to do something random or even dinner with friends." I then started to become angry, thinking about how I work so hard for people without any expectation of anything in return, and yet they cast me aside. These thoughts were, at best to say, violent to me. I actually broke out sobbing. Never have I had such a reaction to the idea of me being lonely.

Feeling lonely is a negative feeling that I struggle with often. However, its been a blessing, because when I feel lonely I simply dive into the word, pray, worship, etc. In the end, I am much more happy and loving then I was every before. My relationship with God grows. Every time it happens, my feeling of loneliness is less and less. Actually, now that I think about it, I haven't felt super lonely in a while. God has given me so many blessings, and as I say my evening prayers, I say one giant thank you because I would never be able to get any sleep if I thanked for every single blessing.

Tonight seemed different. Tonight seemed like Satan was throwing everything he had at me, and I was taking it faster then a dry sponge soaking up water. I didn't even open up my bible. I turned off my music, and sat in the dark quite room alone with my thoughts. Don't feel sorry for me. It was my own weakness to sub come to such a thing. We are all human, and we can't be superhuman. We simply need God to help us through these times.

After about an hour or so, I pulled myself together, put away my school work, and pulled out all my "God material." Things such as my journal, bible, study bible, online study material, and I even thought of "What would my life group leaders do?" If Satan was going to drown me, he would have to fight. For a moment there he did, my feeling of loneliness grew. It seemed that the house was getting colder. Sobbing increased, my internet didn't want to work, and my light that I was using to read started to flicker.

In a moment like this, prayer is the best advice I can give you. Once I started to pray, a feeling of peace came over me instantly. After calming down I continued on my journey to fighting this night. I was not going to bed in the dark (figuratively speaking). Here is what God led me to:

And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power.~ Colossians 2:10

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. ~ Psalm 46:1-3

And behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest....for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of .~ Genesis 28:15.

These verses reminded me that I am weak, and I need God in my life every moment. I cannot do things without him. Coming from someone who is very independent, it is difficult at times to accept the fact that I need help. However, every time I see a blessing, it gets easier and easier to accept that I need God's help. I need to be in is refuge. I need his strength in order to do his will.

I continued reading:

I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. ~John 14:18

....I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. ~ Hebrews 13:5-6

Remember how I said I felt peace after I reached out to God. God never left me, he was waiting for my stubborn self to reach out for help. He was waiting with open arms, to help me out. I just needed to open up to him. He gave me comfort in my time of need. Even though I felt alone for a brief moment, God was there for me.

I strongly believe that the answer to fighting your demons, is allowing God to do the heavy work with you. You cannot carry the world on your shoulders, but God can. He can do anything. He is simply waiting for you to reach out to him. To fight the loneliness, the insecurities, the self-doubt, you need God. You need God every moment of your life. We are weak. We need his strength to fight the war. I ask you beautiful people, Will you allow God to fight the fight with you?

A sister in the same fight,
Yolanda

...Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. ~ Matthew 28:20

A Journey to Yolanda's Story: A Virtious Women

Hey all!

I am Yolanda. I guess that you can say I am second in command at Love’s Journey. Between you and me I, keep Jessica on track. Just don’t let her know about it. Jessica has asked me to share my story.

I am currently 22 and Love’s Journey is the second non-profit that I am very passionate about.  God has blessed me beyond my comprehension. Everyday I am reminded that God has my heart and that He is using me for his good. I am no where near perfect. I will never be perfect, no matter how hard I try. Still God blesses me, just like he gives you as many or more blessings everyday. Just think, this morning you got up. Blessing. Right now you are reading my thoughts. Blessing. You have me. (Hopefully that is a blessing :D)

I was born to a wonderful family, in rural Indiana.  My family is what I call “lukewarm Christians.” Growing up, I was always taught to believe in God, but we didn’t frequent church or dig into the bible. However, I knew the basic stories. Moses, Noah, Jesus, etc. My mom was raised Catholic, so I saw symbols of Christianity throughout my house often. Every now and then I got to hold her diamond rosary that was given to her by my great-great grandmother, but again, that was the farthest I ever develop for my passion for God when I was young.

My parents never had the “birds and the bees” talk with me. Mind you, I grew up in rural Indiana. I figure out things on my own. I was also not one to ask any questions about it because 1.) I didn’t know how to address my parents about it, 2) I understood the concept and felt no need to discuss it with them. My mom did have “The Virtuous Women” talk with me. I guess you can say that was her way of talking with me about “the birds and the bees.” My story is based off of this passage in the bible. Proverbs 31: 10-31 is something that is near and dear to my heart. I strive to be this women everyday. However, being a virgin in a non-virgin world is extremely difficult.

Off the top, I have never dated. Not to say I have never wanted to date. I defiantly struggled with being (what seemed like) the only girl who never dated. Even now I struggle with it.  Genesis states that it is not good for man to be alone. That is why he gave man a better half! Just kidding! From the rib of man, came the women! In Hebrew, the term women translate to “from the rib.” So it states that we are designed to be with someone. It is only natural for us to want to find the perfect someone. Looking back now, I am thankful that I never dated. I could have caused a lot of hurt to myself if I did so. I made a promise to myself and God to be a women after God’s own heart. That promise includes staying a virgin till my wedding day.

The Price of a Virtuous Women

Vs 10: “Who can find a virtuous women? For her price is far above rubies.” To all you beautiful women out there, if you like it or not you are worth far more than rubies. I am pretty sure not even diamonds can buy you, but they make shiny rings.  Being a women of God is the greatest thing you can give your future husband. That doesn’t mean we are perfect. Don’t think that you are perfect, don’t set your standards to be perfect. Set your standards to be a women after God. You are worth more than rubies. I like being worth more than rubies, don’t you?

Ruth is thought of as “her husband’s crown” (Ruth 3:11). I don’t know about you, but when I think of a crown, I think of a great man. Isn’t it said that behind every great man, is a great women. Think of it this way, you are awesome, even if you do not get the credit for it.

Now you are probably wondering, “Well it is easy for you to say that. You have a pure heart.” NO! It is beyond easy for me to say it. Every single day I struggle. I see a cute boy, I hear my friend’s sex stories, I see others my age finding love and getting married. Everyday the lies that the Devil feeds me is that I am not good enough. I am never going to find my true love. I am never going to have a big family that my heart does desire. If I wear certain clothes, paint my face, drink till I pass out, etc. These are all lies. God wants you to be happy. He has the perfect match for you. You just need to capture the lies and cast them away.

A Virtuous Women Cares for Her Family

I am not going old school on you all now. I am not saying that women need to quit her dreams, put on an apron, and make pies. Keep in mind that Proverbs was written in the old testemate. We are now living in what some of us refer to as “the new testemate” age. Even though it states “she gets up while it is still night; makes food; plants a vineyard” (Vs 15-17). If you want to, go a head. You take charge girl! I think of this section, as a women who loves and cherish her family. It is natural for us to be matronly. I think about how growing up, my mom would rise early to make us breakfast, head off to work, come home, clean house, make dinner, make sure my brothers and I had our homework done, do laundry, get everyone ready for bed.  I can’t even imagine other things she did. As a single college student, I wake up, throw on clothes (hopefully they are clean), run out the door, class, work, on the phone, homework, etc. Kudos to all you mommas out there. You keep it up! That’s what so amazing about a women after God’s own heart. She can rule the world and never complain. I guess I have some work to do. There are at times where I want to bang my head on my desk and ask “Why!”

I am sure we all have those feelings, but I am about to blow your mind. In Verse 18 it state “ She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.” Let’s dissect into this. This is another way that God is telling us YOU ARE WORTH FAR MORE THAN RUBIES!!!!!!  No matter what you have done in your life, as long as you are currently working for a God fearing heart, you are worth far more than rubies. My sisters, we are precious jewels!

Diving into God's word helps me fight my everyday battles.

 

Lets fast forward to verse 30. This is my absolute favorite verse of this passage. “ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a women who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (NIV) Ladies, it does not matter what you look like on the outside. Batting your eye lashes, and saying sweet things is not going to get you anywhere. I truly believe, that being a God fearing women, will bring you more happiness than you can image.

I have had my struggles. I fight my demons everyday. I can feel the devil work hard to get me away from God. He knows that if he can get me down, he has me. It doesn’t matter if I am a Christian, if I believe in God, or if I read my bible everyday. He knows my weakness and he uses it against me. I am in the exact same boat as you. I may not have an addiction to sex, alcohol, drugs, beauty procedures, or what every your struggle is. I am a women who has dreams, and a heart full of God, and because of that the devil will fight to the death to stop me.

Here is the awesome thing. No matter how hard the devil fights against you, God is your general, and he will fight even harder to keep you. It is your decision to jump off the boat and swim to God, or to hide in your cabin and let the enemy win.

I am making the swim. Will you join me?

Journey into Jessica's Story : A redemption story

Hello All,
I am Jessica.  The founder of Love's Journey, I have been blogging since June for Love's Journey and I have never shared my story or my journey.  I decided that there was no time like the present to share my journey.  I pray that you all will be encouraged by it, learn from it, and understand that we are all on a journey.  I'm only 24 and I am in the process of getting a non-profit up and off the ground, still being a college student, and still in the constant stream of God redeeming me and loving on me- even when I don't deserve it.   As I sat down to write this I'm at my desk with encouragement all around me and I'm still feeling some fear and hesitation about sharing my journey with you all.  I look around my desk and I have several Bible verses, several words that mean a lot to me - words like unashamed, purity, die, know God, discipline, serve, be iron, represent, and above my desk is a daily calender that today is the comfort and boot of confidence I need to write this blog.  That tiny calender says "Be strong, Be courageous, Do not be afraid for the Lord your God will be with you." Deuteronomy 31:6 - Oh God I thank you that you are always with us throughout our days.  I needed your little boost to write this.

I was born December 26th and shortly after I was placed up for adoption, put in foster care with two amazing people who would eventually become my parents.  I was adopted by my foster parents on December 24th just two days before my third  birthday.  I was adopted into a family who had two older children; my sister Kristin and my brother Brian.  When they had adopted me - I was my own family's new beginning.  They had fostered several children before me and were planning to adopt another little girl but through a series of events the girl's biological father stepped up and claimed her and she went back to him.  My parents were devastated and after sometime past they began the adoption procedure to adopt me.  I will forever be eternally grateful to them for following the calling God placed on their hearts to adopt.   It is here where my story truly begins - God was there in my beginnings, God was there when I was born, God was there at my adoption and God has been with me every step and every  misstep I have taken.  God has been constantly and continually loving on me and teaching me new things and when I was taking my missteps God was loving me and redeeming me.

I grew up in a Christian home and we went to church every Sunday.  I was the daughter of an elder and I spent summers growing up at Hanging Rock Christian Assembly. I spent Sunday nights having youth group and learning about God.  I was 12 years old when I was at church camp - when I decided that I wanted to invite God into my heart for the rest of my life.  To be honest it was a dual reason- I had met what would be my first crush --Drew.  I was sold- at this young age I never saw this as a problem- what pre-teen/teen doesn't crush on a guy at some point. I'm can now say looking back if had was stronger in my faith  I wouldn't of allowed the devil to use this for years to come.  I'm 24 and I still struggle with this problem that comes from being 12.  I came home from camp and that Sunday I got baptized at church.  I thought things with God would be golden from then on.  I can truly say that my relationship with God was no where near perfect and it's still not but I'm still on a journey with God.  Life goes on and the following summer I was back at church camp and yet again I began to crush on Drew and this pattern continued until I was 15 years old.  When I was 16 and I began a dangerous descent into the online world and in doing this I opened the door the the devil more.  I gave him just enough room that I began to see my world spinning out of control.  I was 16 had a major crush on my youth leader who was married with children. I was involved with  chat rooms and messing with people I didn't know on yahoo.  This takes us up to me turning 17.

People always say that the teen years are the best years of your life.  I don't know who they are kidding.  My teen years were full of drama, fears, and failures.  At 15 - my freshmen year in high school I got so stressed out during the weeks leading up to finals that I cut myself to relieve the pressure.  I was hanging out with a group of friends who were the "misfits". We really didn't fit in any one group, but we were a group that had issues and we found ways to cope that were not God honoring.  I want to stop my story to say to those who are cutting this: cutting doesn't solve anything beautiful one, cutting only gives a temporary relief to a problem.  Trust me-- I have been there- as a one time cutter I can tell you - it's not worth it.  God loves you and even in the darkest nights and the times you feel most alone- I can tell you - God is right there shining light into your hopelessness.  Believe me when I say the God of the universe is madly in love with you.  He thinks you are beautiful. He created you and He love's you.

OK. Back to my journey.  Again by 16 I was crushing on my high school youth leader and walking through my teen years as well as I though I could.  I was 16 and depressed I knew I was- I hid it from everyone.  I never let anyone see me cry or know I was weak.  Let me say this: if you're depressed- Go and seek help from a Godly source. Trust God He is there for you in ALL circumstances.  You are beautiful and loved. Go find a friend you trust and simply talk- it's not easy but we all need that one person who can speak truth into our lives and that one person who simply listens.  I have beat the depression but that doesn't mean I don't have moments where I feel depressed.  It's in these moments that I call a friend or I dive into God's word and read and reread what God says about me.

At 17 I was talking to this guy on yahoo messenger- he seemed legit - he knew a friend that I knew and said that's how he got my id.  I talked to him for a few weeks- I was a 17 year old girl who was mad at the world and mad at God.  I let myself believe that God didn't love me and didn't really mean what He said in the Bible.  I met up with this guy who was 21 on  a local college campus.  We walked around the campus for awhile before we found a private place in the basement of a building on campus- a dressing room for one of the theaters on campus.  I was 17 when I let this guy I had just met take my virginity.  Girls who haven't lost it yet- please hear me when I say it's worth saving - It causes so much heartbreak that God never intended you to have to bear.  Sex is a marriage covenant.  Sex is meant to be a beautiful union of one man and one woman.  I have a friend who will be writing about Saving yourself for marriage and how to be pure in a sex filled world.  To the beautiful girls who are like me and have given that gift up. Ask God to redeem you and vow to live a pure life from now on.  I have to remind myself everyday that I can't ever get that gift back but that God is not and will not judge me for my action as long as I repent and live a pure life. I am still fighting this battle.  I have vowed never to have sex again until I am married.  I want to save myself until I am with the one man I am meant to spend forever with.  I know the battles I face- there will be relationships that end due to the fact that I'm not a virgin, I will have to have a conversation that God never intends for me to have with my future husband about how that I am not a virgin and that I'm sorry that I didn't honor God's commands to wait.  Girls there are great movements about saving yourself and remember that if you have lost your virginity it doesn't mean God loves you any less.  Nothing you can do will make God love you less than he already does.

This takes us to 18 where I got deeper in to sin by letting myself keep up an impure lifestyle.  I dated an ex 8 times in 2 years and it was never a Godly relationship.  I let myself get deeper into sexual sin and kept up the chatrooms, and all while putting on the Sunday face that everything was fine and that I was a perfect Christian.  I was no where near perfect nor will I ever be.  At 18 as I had done a few times before I decided that life wasn't worth living anymore and I tried to end my life.  I could never succeed because it wasn't my time to leave the earth.  God wasn't done with His plan for my life.  Why wasn't God done with my life -- here's the main reason as Jeremiah 29:11 says : "For I know the plans I have for you. Declares the Lord, plans to PROSPER you and NOT TO HARM you plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE."

 Note the verse doesn't say " I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans to let you quit, or plans to let you fail" NO - the verse says I know the plans I have for you plans to give you hope and a future.  I now know that the reason I couldn't succeed was because God had Love's Journey in mind for my life.

At 19-21 I continued into a lifestyle that was not God honoring.  I was popping pills, and continuing my sexual sins. I battled whether I wanted a Christian lifestyle or whether I wanted the ways of the world.  I still battle this but I am battling it with a new mindset - I am daily fighting to live the way Christ called me to live.  I have to daily ask God to help me fight because I am so weak.  I have to admit that I am weak and I can't do it on my own.  I have to lean on God for my strength and rely on Him so that I can be what God always intend me to be.

I am not saying I'm perfect or that I make good biblical choices because I am still battling.  Please don't get the idea that I'm a good role model - I still stumble and fall.  I still sin and I will NEVER be perfect.

At 23 I decided to try to date again- I thought I had been an adult enough that I would be able to make my own choice.  I fell in love with a 49 year old twice divorced father of 4 children.  Yes I know I was 23 dating someone almost twice my age. I was blindly following the devil and fighting to walk with God.  This relationship went on almost a year and ended up in a court house with me filing for an order of protection against this guy.  Once again I was falling and not more in love with God.  I was doing life on my own - Not the way God wanted.

I am now 24 and I am currently still being redeemed for my past and working towards following Christ and His plans and purpose for my life.  Right now at 23/24 God has called me to love on girls and women who need to have someone speak truth into their lives and simply do life with them..

I always struggled to see how God was going to use my past and I always prayed that God would use my broken,messed up life for his good.   I had no idea this was what He had in mind.  I am just a servant of Christ doing what I have been called to do by my creator.


I pray that you have learned something, thought about something and prayed about something.  As always if you ever need someone to love on you please visit our web site http://lovesjourney316.weebly.com/   --- Please check it out as we grow and continue our journey for Love's Journey

Jessica

New Year - Welcome 2014

Hey Everyone,
I hope that  your Christmas was good.  Mine was excellent minus getting sick.  Everyone in my family was home and I was sure feeling super blessed.  As 2013 drew to a close I was reminded that every year we make New Year's resolutions on things we are going to stop doing or things we should start doing.  Things like i'm going to eat healthier, or i'm going to exercise, or i'm going to stop smoking.  While those are all great things to do, I couldn't bring myself to make resolutions.  I mean why do we have to wait until the New Year to make an effort to start or stop something.  It reminded me about Christ and how it says that His mercies are new every morning.  That's a beautiful thing to know that each day that we are walking with Christ in a relationship where our eyes are fixed on Him that every day is a new day and that we are still loved and accepted by Christ.  I thought this year I would make goals but I wanted goals that were going to make a difference in this world and in my life.  So here are my goals for 2014
1- I will strive to live a better life by spending time daily with Christ
2- I will fix my eyes on Christ and His words
3- I will work on making and keeping friendships
4- I will allow God to move and use me to do HIS work with Love's Journey
5- I will commit to praying for and asking God's wisdom on Love's Journey
6- I will pray daily for Love's Journey to have a kingdom impact if that's God's will


So I challenge you all to make this 2014 year mean something different, something deeper, something more with Christ as the center of everything you do and say.

May God bless you and this year.

Jessica