Loss: Part One

This is a tough topic to talk about but- I'm going to talk about it.   I want to talk about loss... But excuse the chopped up manner of this post - I'm going to a camp to help children 6-16 deal with loss of a loved one. Nothing in my education career has prepared me to help children like this.... But I'm learning and that's all that matters.  So I think today I will post my fears about this upcoming weekend and Sunday or Monday I will post about the weekend and how it went.

Let me state this I'm not new to loss I've lost my grandpa, my grandpa, my aunt and uncle, I've watched various friends and family walk through loss... It's not easy but we all need to remember that grieving is normal and good.

My fears for the weekend:
- I wont have the words needed
- I wont know how to best help my assigned children
- I wont be able to relate to them
- that I myself will re-open the loss of my family members


But I also know that this camp could very well end out helping the children in our care as well as we as staff.

So please lovelies, keep the staff of Camp Angel in your prayers and pray that we find healing for our losses and provide help to the children who are receptive to wanting to express their loss.


Thanks,

Jessica

New School Year

Hi Lovelies,
Jessica here-  I'm sitting on the floor of my local community college- taking time to blog to y'all during my first week back to college after the summer semester.  Last night as I was packing away all my new binders all color coded and matching textbooks to binders for today, and packing lunch up - I was feeling the excitement for the new year. Today was a different story- Today I found myself with a roller coaster of emotions.  I was excited, yet scared, I was feeling tons of butterflies as I walked into my first class-which is ECON- I was nervous about re-taking it and questions filled my mind. What if I hate the professor, what if no one in class likes me, what if I hate this class again.  I had to stop and remind myself of my goals for this class and goals for the new school year.

So I figured I'd share some of my goals for this school year.
1- I want to focus more on the classes, break out of my shell and and ask questions.
2- I want to be present in class, not just there but really there - asking questions, answering questions
3- I want to focus my time and energy on doing my best work for each class..
4- I'm aiming for a B average in each of my 6 classes ( yes I said 6!!! was I crazy!!!!)

This school year I want to strive to make friends who will encourage me along the way, I strive to not be the same person 9 months from now that I am today.  I want to grow and learn and change....
This is the same attitude I took with my life.  I'm making a few changes in the way I do life.
- I'm making a point to be intentional with relationships
- I'm making a point to spend less time on social media
- I'm making a point to be more focused on school and doing my best
-I'm making a point to live a healthier lifestyle- more exercise, watching what I eat
-I'm making a point to break out of my shell and make a presence in my classes
and most important: I'm striving to grow closer to God and to make sure I have a solid foundation in Him as I grow...

New things and change can be scary but have no fear lovelies, cause with God nothing is too scary, I'm learning that change and new-ness can be exciting... so this year as your next new thing comes up whether it's school, a new job, or whatever else it is- just think of it as a new chapter in life.


Love you all.
Jessica

Change

Hi Lovelies,
It's been awhile again, :( I'm so sorry.  I'm still in college and life for me has been crazy. The staff here at Love's Journey have been going through some changes in our personal life's that have left us putting this journey at the bottom of our list. :( But I found some time while getting ready to study for finals to write about Change.  It's funny that I'm writing about change because i'm in the middle of a lots of changes myself.  Yolanda graduated Purdue University and is spending her summer working in South Africa!!!! I have gone through a few changes in my life but I will talk about mine and share what I've learned. Our other manager Leeann has had some exciting changes happening that i've had the blessing to share in but i'm going to let her stop in and update you all on them when she has time :)

Change happens just like seasons happen.  I just currently find am finding myself in a season of change.  For those of you who dont know Yolanda and I were living together while we both went to college.  She graduated :) and is moving to Texas this fall, while I finish up college.  So this past May one of my best friends graduated by June she was in South Africa and needless to say I was crying.  Crying because she was changing from the college student to a young business woman and I was yet again stuck as a college student.

 This past April my sister Kristin called my dad and said that they were moving back to town and needed a place to live.  So Dad told Kristin that she and her family could move into my house and I would move back in with my parents( after 5 years on your own living at home is a change).  Today while i'm writing this they are moving into my childhood home and while I'm still not completely happy about it- I'm using every moment with my parents to the best  I can.  A few years ago I kept saying I was going to move away after college - and with a year left of college I can officially say after years of praying as to where God would want me. I'm moving to Houston as soon as possible after graduation.  This is a big change for me as founder of this non-profit I wanted to make sure that I spent time in prayer making sure I was moving for all the right reasons. I'm excited to live in this city and start my ministry to young women and girls.

 I know that there is more change coming in this year as I prepare to move to Houston from my small town in Indiana.  I know that it will be stressful but I also know that I have to take the challenge and do it or I wont become who God's called me to be.  In order to get to Houston I have to finish up my degree in Behavioral Sciences and graduate, I have to fly down to Houston and find a place to live and a job, and while all this seems so stressful I'm not worrying because I'm taking it one step at a time and praying over every little thing.  I wasn't and often times still not a fan of change but as Rafiki points out " Change is good."

I often times find myself getting stressed out to the max about change and if things arent going how I planned well its almost like world war 3 broke out.  I'm find though that in these times is when if I slow down and breathe and say something like "God I feel like I'm loosing control - please take control of this and show me what I need to do" I calm down and the task or change doesn't look so bad.

When I started to write this Lion King popped into my head as a movie that deals with Pain and change.  The following quote from the movie stuck with me and I had to share it. Because you see I've had several situations lately where I've wanted to live in the past/ or allow the past to dictate who I am.  While to a point my past does that. I'm beginning to see that my past doesn't have to define who I am because God has already told me that I'm beautiful, I'm worthy, that I'm loved, that I'm chosen and accepted, that I'm.... Fill in the blank with your struggle and God says you are loved, chosen, beautiful, pure... I'm starting to understand how my past has shaped the woman I'm becoming and I'm seeing that my past while messy is something beautiful.  God gave me my story because it was the perfect story for me and like the quote above says " you can either run from(your past) or you can learn from it.  Let me tell you about my past and what I'm learning from it as a 24 year old woman.  Here is a shorten version of my story you can read all about me here: http://lovesjourney316.blogspot.com/2014/01/journey-into-jessicas-story-redemption.html

I was born December 26, 1989- shortly after I was born I was given up for adoption.  I had a normal up bringing in a Christian home.  When I was 16/17 I started to really take interest in boys.  At 17 because I thought I knew everything I gave up my virginity.  I have never seen the man I gave my virginity to.  I was 17 he was 21. I had a few brief one night stands mixed in with a relationship that wasn't healthy with my high school sweetheart.  We dated 8 times in 2 years.  Each time the relationship got more physical.  At 23 I thought I knew everything again and started dating a 49 year old.  That relationship was so toxic and harmful to me. I would try to leave and he would always tell me things would change or he would kill himself if I left because he'd have nothing to live for.  Needless to say my parents found out about that relationship and we went to court to get a protection order against him. It was finally over I was free from a relationship or so I thought.. All through this time from 17 on I was engaged with online chatrooms and finding myself in the tight chains of a porn addiction. Here I am trying to live a Christian life but stuck in a very nasty battle to regain my purity.  I still am weak with my battle but I'm learning that I can change myself with God's help.  See if you were to meet me - you wouldnt know my battle with porn, chatrooms, my battle with purity, you wouldn't suspect that I cut myself, you couldn't see the suicide attempts, the over the counter pill battle.  You wouldn't see any of that.  So to you girls and guys out there going no one understand me- I dont understand your sistuation- but I've been there.
 It gets better.  It's hard to make that change and I won't sit here and say it's easy because it's not-  I am daily waking up fighting the battle to look at porn, to find a guy on a chatroom, to take pills for fun, to cut, to fill in the blank... I'm human and I make mistakes by I am learning from my falls and I'm standing up and learning not to make them again.  I'm weak - very weak... But the blessing of walking with Christ as my center is that He directs my paths and He gives me strength when I don't want to face the day, when laying in bed and doing whatever is easier.  Everyday I battle my past,I fight hard to win back a lifestyle of purity. It's hard.--I want to stop here for a second and say this- Girls --hold on to your virginity- it's not worth loosing until your married.  I never believed that ever. I was 17 when I gave it away. Think of it like this - every guy you sleep with- every single one of them has a piece of you.  So when you get married and you commit yourself to your husband you are giving him whats left of your heart instead of your whole heart.  I know it sounds like fun to be doing what everyone else is doing but girls please stop buying into that lie--- it's the oldest lie in the book- NOT EVERYONE IS DOING IT.

 I wish so desperately that loosing my virginity wasn't part of my story- I don't regret it because it's made me a stronger woman but I wish that I didn't have to have that talk with my future husband.  I'm dreading it- It won't be fun to sit down and say while we werent together I slept with this many people and I'm sorry that I gave a bit of my heart to them all.  I especially want  to talk to girls who are where I am- girls who have lost their virginity and feel ashamed, dirty.  Girls I get that because let me tell you this about me.  June 6th, 2007 I lost my virginity to a 21 yr old I met online.  Girls I left for church camp June 10th.  The absolute last place I wanted to be.  My high school youth leaders were at my house the day I left for camp and when it was time to leave I hugged my youth leaders wife and walked towards the car. Her husband who was my fave person at the time said "Jess what about me?" I went to hug him because I knew I had to keep a normal mask on.  But underneath my mask my brain was screaming get off me and don't touch me.
You see giving my heart away had changed me. It made me scared of men, it made me feel like everyone who touched me wanted me in a sexual way.  I went to camp and came back and never said a word about my lost of virginity for a year and a half.  I went to talk to my college campus pastors wife - Lea and on a fall day in October I spilled my heart out about everything.  The whole thing. I could tell Lea what I was wearing, where we did it and how it affected everything after that.  I called my youth leaders wife - Dawn and confessed to her only to hear her say Jess - David and I knew we were just waiting on you to tell us." I felt like a weight had been lifted except one thing was wrong - I couldnt leave my shame, my dislike of myself, my dirtiness where it needed to be.  I kept picking it up and letting that one action define me.  I was scared to say I'm Jessica and I'm not a virgin but I want to live a pure life until I get married.  My heart cried out to live a pure life- but I wasnt raised in a family where I felt like I could tell my parents - so I reached out to others I trusted. It wasnt until last year - I finally understood that no matter what my sexual past - I could still vow to wait till I was married to have sex.  So girls - it's ok if you don't have your virginity. I dont and while I'm against giving it to who ever ask... I understand the battle and emotions your feeling.  I still have moments where I feel shame and feel dirty.  I stop and remind myself that God has given me that second chance to wait till I'm married.

So here I am to say at 24 years old I- Jessica - I'm pledging to wait until I'm married to have sex and I'm vowing to live a life of purity.

 One last thing before I go back to talking about change- if you feel like you need a safe place to talk about your virginity or your past email us at lovesjourney316@gmail.com or message us at on our facebook page.

OK back to change- I want to talk about this picture you see under this line.  It states" don't let your past dictate who you are but let it be a part of who you will become.  This isn't easy - trust me- I'm trying to let my past become part of my story because well that's what my past is- it's my story.  It's a beautiful mess and while I'm not proud of some of my choices I'm proud of my story.

 At some point - you will hit rock bottom and then it will be you and God alone.  It will be easy to say God i'm done I cant do it your way- and you can walk away or you can chose to believe that your past is part of your story - the story that God is writing and you can pray like I did at 17 that one person would hear your story and not make the same choice you did but there is so power in those words- so if you say that be ready for God to start healing you and making your story worth something. I cant tell you how many times from 17 to 24 I said God use my story- if just one person learns from my mistakes then my story will be worth it. If it reaches one person and they change their life because of it then all my mistakes were worth it. Girls- I'm 24 and I'm working on opening a non-profit aimed at reaching you all and ministering and sharing my story.  I'm not proud of the choices but I'm proud of my story and proud of the voice God has given me because I asked Him to use my failures for His glory.  Girls powerful things happen when you begin to do as the picture on the right says. " your past is just a story and once you realize this it has no power over you." I always wondered why my ex boyfriend had such power over me- and it was because I was allowing him to have that power over me.  I was saying it's ok to play with my emotions.  When I took that step and said with God and said my past is that the past - I cant change what happened I can only learn from it and I refuse to let my past have power over me anymore.  Can I tell you what happen-- I began to regain control of my life.  Girls- It's a beautiful thing when God begins to heal your heart.  While I know I will still struggle, I will have days when my past rears its ugly head I will have moments when I want to quit - I also have the strength given to me by God

I challenge you all to let go and let God heal your heart and set you on the right path.
Love you girls
Jess.

Love's Journey is 1!!! Happy Birthday!!!!

Hello Lovelies,

It finally happened it’s our birthday!!! Happy one year to us!  

I’m so blessed to be running an organization that really has blessed me and countless others ( that I don’t even know about).  As I sit her and think about how a year ago- I was sitting on my couch in my living room with only a name, trying to come up with every reason in the book to God as to why I wasn't capable to do what he was asking – God just kept saying trust in me and follow my lead. I did and here we are a year later!!! I think about all that the staff has dealt with in a year and I think being able to blog about it to you all made it easier.  J There’s been sadness, depression, loneliness, heartbreak but through all the downs there has been major ups- there’s been love, and joy, and friendships formed but through it all we have been strengthened because we had to trust God and his plan for our life.  So today this blog is to say Happy Birthday to us, and also to share where I hope and dream we will be in another year! 

So here’s my dreams for Love’s Journey in the next year:

©       I want to see us reach more girls and young women

©       I want to have video blogs sometimes

©       That God continues to direct our path

Goals:

©       That we would start to fundraise

©       Start a building fund with the money raised

©       I want to take the steps to find out all about what I have to do to make us a non-profit

©       I want to share Love’s Journey with lots of people and bring more people on board

I’m so blessed to serve on Love’s Journey  and I think since It’s been a year I’ll share what our mission and vision is here and if you want to know more about it you can go read some of our starting blogs. 

Our mission is “ Love’s Journey exist to simply love on girls and young women and girls and young women who are in human trafficking./modern day slavery who are having a rough time in their lives and need someone to remind them that they are loved, accepted, and known by the maker of the

universe no matter what they have done or will do. “ 

Our vision statement is simply to love on girls and young women we encounter in our daily lives.

I want to end with a passage from the Bible “1 Corinthians 13

The Message (MSG)

The Way of Love

13 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

² If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

^3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,

I want to say that this chapter really is the heart beat of Love’s Journey and I pray it will be for a long time. 

If you could lovelies please keep our own staff member Yolanda in your prayers – she’s spending the summer working for a company in South Africa and then when they  get back she’s moving to Texas- I know she would love your prayers.

Love,

Jessica 

Where do you go ---

Where do you go where do you turn

When the whole world is falling down around you?

What do you say to make it all better?

In the end will it even matter?

My heart is already crushed

My bones broken

How I’m existing is beyond me

Where do you go when everything is falling down around you

Where do you turn when you need a shoulder to cry on

And the shoulder is gone

Where do you turn when you cant stand to look at yourself

When running thousand miles away feels like the only answer

Where do I run to?

All I want is safety, someone to tell me it’s ok

To be able to breathe and not feel like I have a weight on my chest

All I want is my best friends back – my rocks my foundation

Where do you run to when it’s all too much?

For me I’m turning to God and praying He has

The answers I don’t

Because running isn't an option

 For me right now running isn't the option I have to run straight into God's arms- where I haven't always been.  I always seem to find myself running from my problems instead of facing them head on.  So I wrote the poem above because I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I was to the point where I didn't know where to turn or what to believe in - so now I begin the process of running back to God where He loves and cares for me and I begin to find my strength in Him and His words and in the Bible.. We all slip and fall and we all have times where our faith runs dry but it's in these moments when you need to turn back to God and fall in love with Him... I'm off to read a book and dig into who God says I am.  Love you all and so so sorry about the long time with no post.  Life has happened to the staff of Love's Journey and well we all needed to take a break... I will be updating more now that I'm on summer break- I plan to dive into the book I'm reading and blog about that.  :) so keep reading  and know that we at Love's Journey love ya'll

Jessica 

Belief, Trust, and Perfectly Loved by HIM

 Lovelies,
Sorry you haven't heard from us lately... We've been busy with school and life, But we are back and ready for action :) We have some new things in the works for Love's Journey and we are all excited to announce them.  For the latest know check out our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/lovesjourney316 or check out our website at http://lovesjourney316.weebly.com/ - both will have updates about our new and exciting ventures :)... Now that the business stuff is out of the way on to the blog.  

Lately I have been struggling to believe in God and believe that God is who He says he is, which leads into not fully trusting him, and then the top of the list not believing that i'm perfectly loved by HIM.  I often times find that one of the reasons I blog for Love's Journey is that it helps me to see my struggle in the light of God's word and I begin to see and understand Him on a better level.  

 I want to talk about belief first.  Belief in three ways- first- belief in our self and second- Belief in God and thirdly- Believing that God is who He says He is.  

But first let's look at what belief really means.  Belief is

1. 1.

   an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists.

   
   
2. 2.trust, faith, or confidence in someone or something.

So belief is an acceptance that a statement is true or exists or is it a trust, faith or confidence ins someone or something, or is belief a combination of both is it an acceptance that a statement is true or something exist AND a trust, faith, or confidence in someone or something.  

I personally think that it's a combination of the two.  So that being said let's look at the belief in yourself. Believing in yourself is so important.  This is something that I don't fully believe about myself.  I struggle to believe in myself.   I often times struggle to see that if I believe in myself and what I'm about that the self- confidence I would have would make me unstoppable.  I have found that as I struggle with my own human-ness in regards to walking with God daily, I struggle to see that I'm enough, that I can do all that God has planned for my life, I struggle to see that I'm beautiful.  Please believe me when I say that you are loved, accepted, and beautiful, and God has crazy love for you.  You need to believe in yourself and secondly you need to believe in God.  Let's look deeper at what it means to believe God.  I personally believe that believing God is two fold. By that I mean I have to believe that God exist and believe in God.  

What does believing God mean- it means that you Believe that God sent Jesus to save you from your past, future and you believe that God can and will use your story in a mighty mighty way.  
When I look back at my story I see time and time again how God has redeemed me and is just now beginning to use my story.  I remember when I was 17 and feeling very far from God but with one single mistake ( which would lead to more) I hit a rock bottom at that time - I turned to God and remember one of my most honest prayers to God which was simply "God if just one person learns something from my story then this mistake will be worth it" I'm 24 and I'm just now seeing how God plans to use my story.  I never pictured when I prayed that God would call me to run Love's Journey and to simply love on women and young girls who need someone to believe in them.  I think back to the women in my life who have loved on me and still do and i'm blessed beyond belief.   When you feel worthless, unloved, unwanted, stupid or whatever that's when you need to believe what God and the bible say about us- we are loved, worthy, wanted, bright and smart - Girls I'll let you in on a secret "GOD CHOSE YOU"  think about that we were chosen by the creator of the universe.  look at this picture and let it sink in deep

I'm still navigating this journey with God but everyday I have to chose to believe in God and believe that He is who he says He is.  I know this without a doubt that NO matter what I do God will ALWAYS love me.


Jessica   

Listening and Doing - James 1:19-27

Hello Lovelies,
It's a snowy day here in the polar tundra. :) As I mentioned in a earlier post I would be talking about James 1- the study my church is doing-- which by the way is amazing.  I promised a post about what we are talking about and well the time has come for me to sit and write it.  So I posted the scripture so that you can see it as I make reference to it.  It's a fantastic set of verse which really are summed up in saying "put feet to your faith".  So let's dive on in.

James 1:19-27

Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)

Listening and Obeying

19 My dear brothers and sisters, always be more willing to listen than to speak. Keep control of your anger. 20 Anger does not help you live the way God wants. 21 So get rid of everything evil in your lives—every kind of wrong you do. Be humble and accept God’s teaching that is planted in your hearts. This teaching can save you.
22 Do what God’s teaching says; don’t just listen and do nothing. When you only sit and listen, you are fooling yourselves.23 Hearing God’s teaching and doing nothing is like looking at your face in the mirror 24 and doing nothing about what you saw. You go away and immediately forget how bad you looked. 25 But when you look into God’s perfect law that sets people free, pay attention to it. If you do what it says, you will have God’s blessing. Never just listen to his teaching and forget what you heard.

The True Way to Worship God

26 You might think you are a very religious person. But if your tongue is out of control, you are fooling yourself. Your careless talk makes your offerings to God worthless. 27 The worship that God wants is this: caring for orphans or widows who need help and keeping yourself free from the world’s evil influence. This is the kind of worship that God accepts as pure and good.

Let's break this passage down and go verse by verse.  Verse 19 says: "My dear brothers and sisters, always be more willing to listen than to speak. Keep control of your anger. " What can we pull from this verse: it's rather simple- always be willing to listen rather than speak.  Which if your like me is hard-I'm a talker.  But this verse is saying listen before you speak.  This can take many forms- Listen to God, Listen to friends, Listen to teachers, professors, Listen to family.  I think that the easiest example is when a friend calls you up with a problem instead of jumping to giving  advice slow down and just listen.  The challenge I have for you all is to : SIMPLY LISTEN THIS WEEK.

Verse 20- "Anger does not help you live the way God wants."  The New Living Translation says "Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.  Anger is something that I could talk about for awhile.  But I looked up what anger means and what God says about Anger.  Anger means: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. People always say don't let the sun go down on your anger- and their right - anger is nasty. The devotional Fifty written by a bunch of speakers from True Lies ( which is a youth talk that covers sex to drugs to bullying and gives teens, parents and youth workers a Christian perspective) has a devotional on anger written by Roger Palmer which I want to share.  

"Have you ever lost your cool with someone? If you are living and breathing, you probably have!  Anger is a God-given emotion, but most of the time it is used improperly. I remember a time during the fall of my freshman yaer in college when my anger got the best of me.  At this time in my life, I had not surrendered my life to Christ yet.  My girlfriend and I were not getting along very well. A friend of mine and I were driving around and he began to ask me questions about my relationship with my girlfriend.  Well, as I began to talk, I began to get angry.  The more I talked, the angrier I got ( you need to know something about me, I am very animated and as I talk, I use my hand expressively) All of a sudden as I was talking and waving my hands around,I punched up and hit the windshield of my friend's car. The next thing I knew,the windshield shattered into a giant spider's web design.  you could imagine how surprised my friend and I were.  He looked at me and started screaming, "Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!" We started laughing hysterically and then we had to decide how we were going to get his windshield fixed.  When your anger is left unchecked, you can end up doing something really foolish.  For me, it was just the cost of a windshield.  What has your anger cost you?"  

What does the bible say about anger? check out these verses and look them up. 

-James 1:5

- Ephesians 5:26-27

-James 1:19-20

Okay-Back to the verse by verse break down of the passage. Verse 21-" So get rid of everything evil in your lives—every kind of wrong you do. Be humble and accept God’s teaching that is planted in your hearts. This teaching can save you." What do we pull out of this verse- It's simple the very first line says" So get rid of EVERYTHING evil in your lives- EVERY kind of wrong you do.  So what is evil?  Let's once again define it: profound immorality, wickedness, and depravity, esp. when regarded as a supernatural force.  Now that we have defined evil the next question is What is evil? This is something that people sit around and discuss but for our purposes we will say rape, murder, and anything that you desire like drugs or alcohol that take your focus off of God and Godly things.  If you look at the NLT version of this verse is says " SO get rid of ALL the filth and evil in your lives..."  the second part of this verse is important too it says " Be humble and accept God’s teaching that is planted in your hearts. This teaching can save you"

What does it mean to be humble and accept God's teaching. Humble means "An admirable quality that not many people possess. It means that a person may have accomplished alot, or be alot but doesn't feel it is necessary to advertise or brag about it. " The second part of this verse says accept God's teaching.  This is big- It simply boils down to this: Do you believe God's words are true and Do you believe in God?  Believing in God is big!  Do you believe that He died for you? Here's the simply and beautiful thing about the bible: God made us, and loves us and He sent his own son(Jesus) to die for us so that we can live with Him forever.    But in order to do this we have to do believe that Jesus is the Savior of the world and of our lives and ACCEPT Him into our hearts and lives- this is doing just what these verses are saying rid your self of evil(sin) and accept God into your heart. This means turning away from your old life that is full of sin and turning to God and saying I can't but you can.  People often times get confused on how to ask God into their hearts it's simple you simple pray a prayer like this - (if you feel God pulling you to turn from your lifestyle pray the following prayer)

God,

I know I messed up and have been living life my own way.  But I have been wrong in trying to live life my way. I need you to help me.  I can't do live life on my own.  I need you in my heart and life as my Savior.  Please live in my heart and change me.  

Amen. 

** if you just prayed this the next step is to find a local church that believes in God if you need help finding a church please please email us at lovesjourney316@gmail.com and we will help you find a church,  after you find a church -- please tell someone who is a believer about your decision to follow God. And lastly  follow the bible and get baptized. ** 

let's look at verses 22-25 - which says " Do what God’s teaching says; don’t just listen and do nothing. When you only sit and listen, you are fooling yourselves.23 Hearing God’s teaching and doing nothing is like looking at your face in the mirror 24 and doing nothing about what you saw. You go away and immediately forget how bad you looked. 25 But when you look into God’s perfect law that sets people free, pay attention to it. If you do what it says, you will have God’s blessing. Never just listen to his teaching and forget what you heard." 

These verses are summed up best by saying: follow God's word - The bible is the instruction manual for life- it's a book that can guide us to Godly living and answer the age old question " What would Jesus Do?" 

Verses 26-27 say this "You might think you are a very religious person. But if your tongue is out of control, you are fooling yourself. Your careless talk makes your offerings to God worthless. 27 The worship that God wants is this: caring for orphans or widows who need help and keeping yourself free from the world’s evil influence. This is the kind of worship that God accepts as pure and good."  

Verse 27 in the NLT says " Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for the orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." Simply put- Take care of the poor, and hurting

I want to end this blog with some question to think about or answer in your own quiet time :) 

1) what struggles do you have with slow to speak and quick to listen?

2) how well are you doing right now at hearing God's word?

3) if a garden is left on its own would it be overtaken by weeds? yes! absoulutely it would, well in the same way if we don't dive into God's Word and examine our own hearts what will happen?

4) what steps can we take to make sure we are cultivation our hearts to grown in God's word and to live it out in our lives?

5) why is James really focused on not just hearing the word but living it out in our lives? 

Thanks for reading this long blog but it's so important :) until next time lovelies.

Jessica 

Dirt and Dreams

Dirt and Dreams aren't usually connected but I want to take time to explain how they are.  The picture on the right is the future home of Northview Church's FOREVER home.  This past Sunday we as a church celebrated the fact that after 7 years of not having a permanent home in the area, we now have 12.7 acres of land to build on for God's Kingdom.  So as part of our service we got to walk up to the stage where there were two huge 5 gallon buckets full of dirt from this land, and we were instructed to put a few scoops of dirt into our bags and then every time we  feel this baggie of dirt in our purse or pocket or backpack to stop and pray for the future of the church, and what we think would be the best use of the land for the community.  While we were filling bags full of dirt our worship Pastor Brandon was singing Build Your Kingdom Here by Rend Collective(great song and band by the way) as we were singing this song I got goosebumps because I started dreaming about what the future held for Love's Journey. I began to think about seeing and taking pictures of a sign like this.  I began to think about bagging dirt from the place Love's Journey will sit. But then I began to think about it as the week has gone on and it's deeper than that.  I think about how vital dirt is to the world.  You can't grow things without dirt. I mean have you ever seen flowers grown in concrete. NO? Me either.  I began to dream about what the church building would look like and how God's going to use it for His purpose.  I began to see how Dirt and Dreams are tied together but more so Dirt and Dreams and Growth.

For this I dug into Google and looked up Dirt and Growth in the bible and came up with this story " But as for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. Matthew 13: 23a [NIV]

Have you ever planted anything? Perhaps you took some packages of seeds and planted a garden of vegetables. If so, you know that the type of soil that you have is very important to the success of a garden. If the ground is too hard, or full of rocks and weeds, you probably won't have a very good crop of vegetables.

In our Bible lesson today, Jesus told a story about a man who went out and planted some seeds. Some of the seed fell on the path where the ground was very hard. The seeds just lay on top of the ground and the birds came and ate the seeds. Some of the seed fell on rocky ground. The seeds sprang up quickly, but when the sun came, the plants dried up because they didn't have good roots. Some of the seeds fell among weeds and plants grew for a little while, but the weeds took over and choked them out. Fortunately, some of the seed fell on good soil and the plants grew strong and healthy and produced a good crop.

In Jesus' story, the Word of God is the seed, and we are the soil. Often, when we come to church, the preacher is preaching the Word, but we aren't really paying attention. Perhaps we are thinking about what we are going to do that afternoon or about what we did yesterday. We are hearing the Word, but we are not listening. That is like throwing seed on the top of the ground. It won't ever grow into anything in our life.

There are other times when we hear the Word and we get excited about it, but then our excitement fades and we drift away. That is like the seeds that fall on the rocky ground. The plants spring up, but then die because the roots are too shallow.

Sometimes we hear the Word and we believe what it says, but we want to keep on doing the same things we have been doing. That is like planting the seed in with a bunch of weeds. I can tell you what will happen, the weeds will soon take over!

When we hear the word, and we listen and try to understand what it says and put it into practice in our daily life, then we are like good soil. We are like soil where the seed takes root and grows and produces a plentiful harvest. That is the kind of soil that Jesus wants us to be. What kind of soil are you? **http://www.sermons4kids.com/depends-on-dirt.html**

We need to be like Christ but when you have a good healthy foundation in him ( a good Dirt) the fruits of the spirit are going to flow from you easily.  Good dirt produces good things in our lives.  If you have crappy dirt then you can expect bad things to flow from your life.  It's the same thing as if you are walking with Christ and doing everything to be close to Him.  Things like daily spending time with Him, walking the walk, and going to church- doing these things draw you closer to him.  But if you don't go to church, you are full of filth- doing things that aren't Christian and then wonder why God feels far away. You need to have a daily time with Christ to see the maker of the universe, make beautiful things grow out of the dirt of our lives.  

Something I am most excited about is that this Sunday my lead Pastor Steve is starting a 9 week sermon set all about the Fruit of the Spirit - watch out for 9 blogs talking about each fruit and practical ways to apply that fruit to our lives and challenges.  Something I'm also excited about is something the beautiful miss Yolanda has already talked about which is our church doing a bible study on the book of James.  I will be writing about that later :) 

So sorry for the tangent!  I want to talk about Dreams - the only way I know to do that is to Share some of the dreams I have for Love's Journey and for myself.  What is a dream? Websters defines a dream as : : a series of thoughts, visions, or feelings that happen during sleep or another definition is : an idea or vision that is created in your imagination and that is not real and lastly : something that you have wanted very much to do, be, or have for a long time

So when I think about what a dream means I begin to get excited about the bright future Love's Journey has in store for her.  Here's a few of my dreams for Love's Journey:

1: I dream of finding a forever home and the journey that will be
2: I dream of the future girls and women who will be blessed by us
3: I dream of my special wing where our Human Trafficking and Sex Slavery girls will get the  therapy they need
4: I dream of the possibilities for Love's Journey
5: I dream of what the building will look like 

I have personal dreams. Things like graduate school, Move to Houston or that area, and I have long term dreams things like - getting married and having kids.  

I am reminded daily to " Dream Big and Work Hard"~~JJ Watt. I have this quote posted on my desk right at eye level so that I daily remember to  do just that Dream Big Work Hard. 

So to close, I challenge you all to walk close to God and Dream Big and Work Hard

Much Love 
Jessica 

How Humble are you?

HELLO BEAUTIFUL LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And of course you Handsome men who may be reading this)

I hope that everyone is surviving the polar vortex that seems to be consuming our lives. With weather like this, it is so easy to complain and see the negative side of things. I see this polar vortex as a blessing. I am more focused on my schoolwork, non-profit, and of course building my relationship with God. I am also blessed to live with an amazing friend that keeps me entertained everyday. I may get more work done if I wasn't so distracted, but its all amazing here in the office.

Do me a favor. Take a moment and think of five things you are blessed with. For example, I am blessed to be breathing, have a heater at my feet, food in the fridge, and my bible in front of me. Next, challenge yourself. Everyday write down five things you are blessed. I have been doing this for a while and it has got to the point where I just have to thank God for being awesome. I don't have time to list all of the things I am blessed with. I am thankful for every little thing in my life. I thank God that you are in my life. You are one of my biggest blessings.

Let's flip gears here. I would like to focus this post to James 1: 9-10.

Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. But the rich should take pride in their humiliation-since they will pass away like a wild flower.
                                              James 1: 9-10

Before we go diving into this passage, take a second and think about the people in your life. Rank them based on their wealth. Now look at the person who is the "poorest" versus the person who is the "richest." How humble are each person? Now if my experiment worked, I would hope you had said the "poorest" was more humble.

Now lets look at this passage in  more simple understanding.

Christians who experience poverty are to take pride in their high positions as believers. Wealthy believers, on the other hand, should take pride not in their possessions but in the fact that God has humbled them and given them a godly value system, so that they now realize how transitory life and wealth are.

 Here is my take on this passage. God likes a humble person. Poverty is thought to be a humbling experience. I know when I lived in southern Africa, I became so humbled. It broke my heart to see some of the situations that people were living in. However, they were so happy. I will never forget playing soccer with some of the children in a shanty town. Even though we didn't speak the same language, wore different clothes, and had different background, the children were excited to be playing soccer with me. We didn't have a soccer ball. It was a ball made of rubber bands, paper, and I think jeans. These children seemed to not have a care in the world. One mom thanked me for spending the time with the children. They absolutely loved it. I don't think many American children would be willing to do something like that.

Okay, back on track. God likes a humble person. He states that a humble believer should take pride in his/her positions. I am not saying go out and give all of your possession away and sell your house. But how would you react if your house was on fire? What would you grab? For me I might be like "OOOOOOOO NOOOOOO" and run for my worldly possessions. Things like pictures and my bible. After that I would worry about anyone who may have been in the house. I honestly would not be sad if my house was to burn down. It is just a materialistic item.

I would classify myself as "wealthy." I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, a university education,  family that love me, and friends who support me. God says that the wealthy should not take the pride in the possesions that they have. In fact, we should be HUMBLE for the greatness that we have. In a matter of a blink of an eye all of that could be gone. Remember how I said that if I lost everything, I would be okay with it.

Think of it this way. Have you ever seen a trailer being pulled behind a hurse? I haven't. Things don't matter. God matters, Love matters. Those of us who have been blessed with wealth (of any kind) are, as my pastor says, managers for God. God only ask that we be good managers. So remember this, when you are complaining about it being cold outside, be blessed to have a heater, a blanket, tv, and facebook. Open your home to a friend, pay for a strangers meal, wave to someone you don't know. Show some love. You never know where it may lead you.

Catching up

Hiya, Leeann here! Its been a little over a month since I last posted to Love's Journey and boy has a lot happened! I want to start off by saying this blog post today is for all the single moms out there or those soon on their way to becoming one. Being a parent at any age is difficult and even  more so when your a young or teenage mom as I was. Let me assure you that you are not alone. The purpose of  Love's Journey is to give you a safe place full of love and hopefully guidance. If you've been following our lovely blog then you might have noticed blogs posted by myself, Jessica and of course the beautiful Yolanda as well. With this blog you'll get an unique and interesting look in to the world thru  the eyes of 3 very different woman who are all walking the earth in search of love, acceptance and finding our own way.

Now back to my original reason for posting. It's catch up day, YAY!!!! The last time I posted was after my precious puppy prince had passed away, man I can't believe its been over a month since  my beloved four legged friends went to puppy heaven. It still makes me wanna cry at times, but back to what I was saying.

In my last post I gave you a little back ground on me. Incase you missed it I was married at 16 and had my first son at 17, four years later at 21 I had my second son and for the last time when I was 25 I once again gave birth to my last and final baby. I was given 3 beautiful but rowdy boys by the good Lord above. I truly believe that the big man upstairs will not give you more than you can handle, how me becoming a mom at 17 was a trip I needed to take I will never understand. It was a trip that forever changed my life and has continued to bring me nothing but pleasure and joy for almost 15 years now.

My oldest is a 15 year old cocky teenage boy who is working hard to find his way in life and where he belongs. As a teen mom I couldn't have asked for a better baby then him. He was such a good baby. He never cried unless he was hungry or sick and it has continued to be that way until this very day. My only struggle with him was a speech issue which he soon grew out of! My second baby was a different story!

My 10 year son was born with asthma and immediately upon entering this world he had a major asthma attack. It seemed that day would start a long journey in to many problems for him. Unlike my first son he was a handful. If he wasn't sick he was getting in to things he shouldn't have been, and the story continues. I struggled to finish school, raise 2 kids, work full time and hold a marriage together while being a normal 21 year old. Let me tell ya by this point I felt anything but normal. I can't tell you how many time I wanted to give up and walk away but somehow the good Lord showed me the strength I needed to carry on and just 4 years later my precious baby boy would be born!

My now 6 almost 7 year old has been a major pain in my side from the moment he was born. Never one to do things like his older brothers, he forced his own way in life. As an infant I worried there might be something wrong with him. Of course that was me just being a paranoid mom! Just so you know all 3 of my kids have had a speech problem and my baby boy is the only one still getting help with it. Ok enough background lets get to the big stuff lol.

Back in December I told you all about the man whose arms I wanted to hold me as my little prince took his last breath, well I'm sad to say those days are over. It's so hard to explain without giving away to much information but I will say I wanted this man so much but wasn't willing to give him my heart or a commitment so I took the easy way out and told him for one month I was his but at the end of the month we were to walk away and forget things ever happened! Boy who was I kidding!!! In that months time I feel madly in love with him but did everything I could to push him away. Now I struggle to find a way to bring him back in to my life without feeling like I'm letting myself go. Ha good luck so far I haven't figured it out yet! My kids do keep me occupied tho.

 

My oldest is not only a straight A student but he's also in band and numerous other things. I couldn't be more proud of this young man and the way he has turned out. Everyone tells me he's such a perfect gentleman, very respectful and so responsible! As his mother this brings me so much pride, knowing that even though I might have screwed up other things in my life, I did right by raising him so far. My son is not in to girls, or partying, going out or getting in to trouble. He would rather hang at home with me and his younger brothers then go to the mall. Tomorrow he has his first band solo recital and is getting ready for competition! I'm so excited for him I just wanna yell it from the roof tops! I know that  he is on the right track and will be successful in life!

My second son is a little bit different. He struggles with school but I'm not sure if its because he's lazy or really has a hard time. I'm leaning more towards lazy! He's only in 5th grade so there's not much to report about with him. IF I could get him to be less of a slob and a lil more active I think he'll be alright!

My baby boy of course is a whole other story. 2 years ago when he was in pre-k the teacher approached me with a concern over a speech issue. I gave her permission to have him tested but later found out they never did! Last year in Kindergarten I asked his teacher daily how he was doing and she assured me was doing great. It wasn't until his speech ard that I learned this wasn't the truth. I'm telling you all this because its important to know what we've been thru as a family and myself as a single mom. We struggled thru the year last year and prayed that this year would be better.

During the first six weeks his teacher called me saying not to freak out  about his report card that he was doing great until 2 weeks before they were due to come out. She said the work was getting harder but that as long as we worked with him he should be ok. I have spent every day working for at least 2 hours with him but was unaware of any improvement until early December when we had another speech ard. It was at this time that the assistant principal advised and asked to have him tested for a learning disability. As a mother this broke my heart. No one likes to hear that their baby is struggling nor do we want them labeled. I called Jessica crying. Being the AMAZING friend that she is, Jessica immediately took it upon herself to help me figure out what to do. By this point I had lost faith in everything. My son was struggling in school and I had no clue how to help him, the man I so desperately wanted to be with was slowly slipping away (no fault of his own) and my own fear about failing as a mom began to take its toll. 

 

As I got to work on getting him tested I put my faith once again back in the lord after attending church and seeing that I didn't have anything to lose by trusting in the one person who has always been there for me even when I turned my back. By true and unintentional accident I learned that the very people who were suppose to keep my son's educational information confidential had failed in that department as well. My good friend heard the school staff talking about his upcoming testing in a way that wasn't very professional.

As a hard working woman myself I know the law and right from wrong. I gave the school the required 48 hours to contact me and tell me what had happen. It took them 2 and a half weeks afterwards to do so. Now I was furious as any parent should be and am now in a big fight to have the wrongs that was done against my child and my friend righted. In the process of all this  I let go of the man that I'll now call my heart go. By no fault of his own I pushed him away and told him some extremely mean and hurtful  things in order to protect myself.

Every night as I lay down and close my eyes I wonder how much more can I take? I try to remind myself that God will never give me more then I can handle but at times that often feels like a joke! My Catholic upbringing reminds me to always have faith but my current situation says otherwise.

Thankfully I have great friends to hold me and remind me that I'm loved and very strong. I also am fortunate to have a place like this blog to rant, vent, release and share my struggles with you. 

This weekend I took a trip to see my heart but didn't have the courage to let him know I was there, so instead I lashed out him and said some really hurtful things that I'll never be able to take back. Some of you might wonder what the big deal is? Well let me tell you! I love him! Plain and simple but that scares the daylights out of me. I have never felt any way for someone the way I do him and that fear is what keeps me from letting go and just enjoying it! There is no other place I'd rather be than in his arms for as long as he'll have me. I guess what I'm trying to say I want him for more then just a few late night cuddles. I want him for as long as I can have him. I know that in order to do this I have to put my faith in the hands of the Lord. 

As I move forward in my life and struggles I know that all  I can do is live my life to the best of my abilities and hope its one that will earn me a place in heaven when I take my last breath. Today as I sat writing this the song When I Get Where I'm Going by Brad Paisley came on and I started to cry. I hope to do as the song says:

When I get where I'm going

There'll be only happy tears

I will shed the sins and struggles 

I have carried all these years!

Let me tell you I'm so tired of the struggles. I can't wait for a time when my life is finally somewhat simple and I can enjoy it without all the fears

As I leave you with a lot to read and I do apologize for that I'll leave you with my other favorite lines in his song:So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going

Remember my lovelies that love is a journey we must all take but no one ever said you should ever have to take it alone!!! 

Leeann