It’s been a while since anyone
posted to Love's Journey. As people so often say life gets in the way. We
become busy with our day to day life and forget to take the time to appreciate
all we have and all we have to be grateful for. It is usually in a time of
sadness or despair that we finally remember. I am no different. I guess I
should started by telling you a little about me and my story.
My name is Leeann. Jessica
is one of my closest friends and the mastermind/owner of Love's Journey. I met
Jessica about 5-6 years ago. While I didn't understand the unlikely friendship
at the time, I truly believe with every breath I breathe that God puts people in
your life for a reason. I may not understand it now but I will say Jessica has
become not only a pain in my side but also my closest friend.
Allow me to tell you
my story. When I was 16, I lost my mother in a car wreck. At 16 your life seems
so crazy and you tend to forget to absorb it all. I'm not saying my life was
easy by any means, but I had good parents who raised me to believe that as long
as I had roof over my head, food in my belly, and my family by my side that I
would always have everything I need. I always thought this was true even
through the struggles I face as an adult. Nothing rocks your world more than
losing the person you admire the most, for me that was my mom.
My mom was
the foundation that held our family together, losing her rocked my world and
left a hole that has yet to be repaired. Shortly after losing her, I got
married and had my first child. Now I in no way think you should get married early
or for any reason other than knowing you're ready. My intentions were true and
I truly loved him, however my reasons I now see were somewhat selfish.
I was
looking someone to fill the void left behind from losing the one who meant the
most 2 me. After 2 more kids and a very rough life, we decided to walk away as
friends rather than enemies.
In all the
time since then I have done my best to keep people at arm’s length. I know this
is no way to live but when you feel as though you lose all that matters you
find a way to protect yourself. In the process of "protecting" myself
I gave my heart away to another. Even though I tried to not care, I fell madly
in love with him and for the first time in my life, I gave someone everything I had
without holding back.
We would
soon learn that time was not on our side and would walk away with an even
bigger pain in our hearts. After months of back in forth, we are just now to
the point where we can be friends. While I thought I was done needing or
wanting people in my life other than my kids, God proved to me that he was the
one running the show. Just a few weeks later, I would meet the most wonderful
man ever but busy schedules and highway miles would keep us apart. No matter
how we would try, it would eventually become harder and harder to walk away.
Then just two
weeks before my birthday I would get 2 adorable puppies that would turn my
world upside down. My kids and I became completely head over heels in love and
attached to them. My little prince and princess would be my driving force.
They would be the ones who kept me company in those lonely nights when my boys
were with their dad. They brought me joy and would lick away my tears. All
would be right in my world until last night 12-14-13 when my little prince
suddenly became sick. Feeling a love and connection to him like I've never felt
for another pet before, I sat up all night by his side. I sat in church today
and prayed for God to put his healing hands upon my 4 legged friends. Just when
I thought things were going to be ok and my little prince was going to make
it, things got worse. I would leave my beloved friend in capable hands to make
the 3 hour flight to feel the arms of the man I want to hold me. While at his
side I get the call that I was dreading. My poor little prince passed away. My
heart feels heavy, my eyes keep filling with tears and my life feels empty.
I have
never felt a sense of loss like I feel this very moment. As I struggle to
console my kids and keep my princess alive, I find that I am losing faith in
all things that matter. My mother would scold me, my grandmother would smack
upside the head and drag me to church but my dear friends struggle to comfort me while the one I want rushes to be home by my side.
A lot of
people would say it’s just a dog, no big deal. Hell I use to say that, but I
know see it’s more than that. My words of advice to you are to keep fighting!
No matter how life gets you down, keep fighting! No matter who breaks your
heart, keep fighting! Most importantly when you find yourself losing faith
remember someone always has it worse than you and that God will always carry
you thru! Until next time remember Love is a journey we must all take, where
the road will lead you no one will know, but like all good things the journey is half the battle.
